Wakaranai
by Meilin Li
Summary: Kagura will never understand any of them.


**Author's Note**: Wrote this a few years ago, didn't really edit it much.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything.

I'm so close to giving up.

It's the first time I have ever felt this way. Never before have I wanted to quit so suddenly at anything at all. When things got hard, I got tough. That's the way I'm supposed to be. It's the way I was _made_ to be.

I've always been a little inept in social situations. My mom wanted to keep me safe because she thought the curse made me weak. And because of that I never had many friends; save those that were also like me. I mostly kept to myself when I was younger and pretended that everything was perfectly fine. I played by myself and made up imaginary friends because it felt good to know that someone cared.

Smiles always made the world go round right?

I remember many things about my childhood, the good and the bad. But mostly the latter. Seeing the things that went wrong around me, I had a bad habit of trying to fix everything. I guess you could say I was a lot like Tohru when I was small. I tried to fix my family, I tried to fix my friends and I tried to fix my life.

It soon became evident that the curse was the source of not only my problems, but of the problems of all those around me too.

I've known about the curse ever since I was young. But I never really understood it until the day my dad left. I remember patting my mom's back and giving her hugs as she sobbed into my shoulders, clutching to me as if I was the only thing she had left in the world. I kept telling her that I was sorry and that everything would be okay, but her tears didn't seem to stop.

I remember him standing by the door in his work suit. He had just come home and we were supposed to have dinner together. I couldn't stop him. The boar wouldn't even allow me to hang onto his legs to make him stay so mom would stop crying.

A few days later she sat me down and told me what happened. Being the kid I was then, I didn't cry. I couldn't. I didn't understand why he would hate me enough to leave. But it finally dawned on me a couple of years later why he did what he did.

He didn't want a freak as a daughter.

The stupid curse has made so many innocent people suffer! Whether it were the cursed themselves or those closest to them, the only wrong that they did was to be born into the wrong family. No one should be punished for that. It made me angry! It wasn't fair to anyone. I never understood it.

It wasn't long after I came to that conclusion that I got to meet some of the other cursed members. I found out more about our family and I finally met Akito. The first time I met him, he barely glanced at me as he walked by. For a ten year old, those eyes seemed too cold, too calculating, and far too inhumane.

But my heart was more open then, I took his aloof nature as a call for help. I wanted to help and I tried to. Once, I found him laughing and kicking a little boy with orange hair while another boy with short grey hair stood behind him wincing at every movement Akito made.

I was horrified. I yelled at him to stop but it was as if he couldn't hear me…or didn't want to hear me. Regardless, he continued his assault as the boy curled up on the floor. The boy didn't cry out, he didn't hit Akito back, he just accepted it.

At that moment, he became the stupidest person I had ever had the pleasure of meeting. It was almost moronic of him to take the abuse he was given. It was as if he just gave up. I couldn't comprehend the thought of giving up. It was impossible to imagine because in my mind, if you want something you have to fight for it; nothing will ever be handed to you free of charge.

Watching the scene made me mad. It wasn't Akito but the orange haired boy that made my blood boil. He was a coward.

I wanted to beat him myself.

My anger got the best of me and before I knew it I had grabbed Akito's hand. His eyes grew wide before they narrowed and he tried to slip from my grip but I held on tightly. It wasn't unexpected what he did next. He raised his left hand and slapped me. I fell.

Before long I was in the place of that orange haired boy. I was on the floor, being battered by this frail looking boy. Thinking almost began to hurt as I stared half-lidded in shock at the grey haired boy's white shoes.

But I never did give up did I?

I grabbed his ankle and as he fell toward me, he face softened into something I couldn't recognize. It was as if I was looking into the face of another person. He was so scared. It was on impulse that I twisted and let him fall on me.

And as his elbow dug deeply into my side I clutched onto him tightly hoping he was all right.

Akito was quiet for a moment. I think he was getting over the shock of falling. With a hard shove he pushed me aside and got up and walked the other way toward the building. I was left in the dirt staring after him and the grey haired boy who decided to trail after him.

I didn't get him then, and I don't get him now.


End file.
